I am the best at everything. Especially lying. I work in advertising.
The thing is, I am indeed the 🐐 at everything I do1.
No, I am positively not coy about it. In person, too.
I don’t need your validation or help.
I am an independent thinker.
I have above average memory, some say the best even. I constantly bring up stuff from the past and it drives people insane. Did I mention I am single at 40? Anyway.
I solve problems of all sizes for living.
Mainly mine. After that, I sell it as a service. I make my own websites. And for my clients. Branding, colors, fonts. People are unreliable. You know what I need? A manual, smoothie, and couple of hours. Do you have problems? What about coins? I can part you with both.
Human
ChatGPWho? Chat with someone who understand why there still isn’t Unified Theory of Relativity. Or why perfect Newtonian universe is impossible. People on Tinder say they love deep talks? Fine.
I wonder why you cant combine Einstein and Euler famous equations? I understand the math (I don’t). But I have no idea why none of it works. Or why it should. But it does. Physics! We can talk about it, but I am certain only few would enjoy it.
People don’t need science, they need solutions. I provide them. If you pay me enough I will solve your enemies in acid, I don’t care. In this economy? I get paid by the hour, should I bring my own acid or you provide your own?
At the end of the day, we all pay people to solve problems. You need 2sq kilometers of finest silk? I know a guy. You can have that tomorrow anywhere in Europe. Try me.
You need your computer fixed? I know a guy. It it me. Its not that hard and I cant afford people to do everything for me, nor that I want that.
Liar
I am great (liar). I have to legaly call this website a satire. You know who else is great? You. I am just a bum with a bum school doing bum work for rich people but I don’t mind the scrubs because they are the size of the bus. I have range.
Oh, I also write for a living… I mean who would pay for that?
I dabbled in IT. That is why I am currently not looking for work.
So yeah. That is me, a basic problem solver.
What do you do for living?
How can I help?
- I do a lot of things, but not everything. Important footnote people usually bury in footnotes… wait a minute. ↩︎